Thursday, 29 October 2009


It's Thursday night, but I'm in popular demand, baby.

So today I went to go see my Mum and have a cup of tea at 2.00. She said to me "Neil, when are you going to get yourself settled down with a woman, eh?" and I sort of shrugged. I guess I don't wanna settle down just yet - I'm lovin' the single life with all the sexy ladies! That reminds me - I found a song called "Hey Sexy Ladies"! That is SO my song! It's by Shaggy - what a wonderful artist.

Tonight I'm going to the club, after getting ready. Yesterday I didn't go because Wednesday night is you know... nothing special. Nobody goes clubbing on a Wednesday night. It's because Thursday is gay night. Even though I don't really enjoy gay night that much, I still do it. Everyone has aspects of their work that they hate, right?

Mine are gay nights and Gary. And especially Gary on gay nights. He's not gay, but he is my rival. Don't get me wrong, gays are awesome, but yeah. I'm not gay. So I prefer it when the building is full of sexy ladies.

I'm gonna do some hoovering now. Maybe a bit of dusting too if I'm feeling wild.

Ooh and there was some plumbing emergencies today but I won't go into detail, it's not the FUNNEST stuff ever. *sigh* Sometimes having a double life is just sooooo hectic.
I think it's cos I'm a hunchback.

Love Neil x

Wednesday, 21 October 2009


Wednesdays are usually always the same..

9.00am - wake up to my alarm: Get Sexy by Sugababes! (faaave toon!) And rave for about 15 minutes to it. Over and over, of course.
9:20 - have breakfast. Usually Shreddies.
9.30 - get dressed: my spotted dressing gown is fluffy but not quite a la mode enough for a plumber.
10.00 - go to Aquacise. Unless I have an Emergency Plumbing Situation I have to attend to.
12.00 - get lunch at the Swimming Pool café.
12.45 - do some more plumbing on any clients.
3.00 - watch CBBC (Tracy Beaker FTW!!!)
4.00 - sit on my sofa and try and think of funny jokes/anecdotes to tell when I'm at the club.
5.00 - get changed into poledancing gear (sparkly top, leather my hunchback exercises. They don't really pay off.)
6.00 - go down the club and help set up
7.00 - ENTERTAIN... for the sexy ladies!! (and.. er... gay men.)
11.00 - go home, unless it's a reeeally busy night which it never really is on a Wednesday
12.00 Midnight - write my blog unless I'm too tired in which case I change into my stripey (or Wallace and Gromit... my heroes) pyjamas and go sleepybyes.

However, when I was at Aquacise today a rather, er, plump woman barged into me.
"Whoops" she said, sarcastically.
"Was that really an accident?" I said.
She snorted, looking at my highly attractive Speedos. She obviously doesn't realise how cool they are because she is not a sexy lady.

Or maybe because I am a hunchback she felt the need to ridicule me.
As long as she doesn't come down the club.

Love Neil x

Sunday, 11 October 2009


Hey there GUYYYSSS!
Today's Sunday - my day off ahhhh yeah. I went down the skate park to talk to sexy ladies but there weren't any :( So I checked the park and there were two walking a dog. I said heyyyyy to them and snorted and they sort of ran away. I think I intimidated them.

I don't have to work tonight!! But I like working :( Apart from when Gary strips. Personally I think I do a much better job then him (he has MOOOOOOOBSSS!!)! But he's so full of himself he thinks he is better than be. I think it's cos I'm a hunchback.

I did some ironing today too.
I burnt my finger winger.

Neil x

Saturday, 10 October 2009


Hey guys!
Today I went to the supermarket to pick up some groceries, you know, the usual, waffles, ham, eggs, leek, and a birthday card for my Mum.
Then I had an emergency call from some woman down the road who's sink had a major leakage. I was on the case in minutes with my spanner and all. Managed to fix it, whilst humming Love Machine by Girls Aloud - a classic.

Then I went out til 2am and I just got back. As soon as I got to the club to start work, guess who arrived? Gary. Yes, Gary. He always steals my clients. Everyone would rather watch him strip/poledance than me. I think it's because I'm a hunchback. I still spent the night chatting up sexy ladies - I got some numbers but they don't seem to work right now... hmmm.

snort snort
love Neil x

Friday, 9 October 2009


First post - hey sexy ladies!
Getting ready to go out tonight - got a big gig!
This morning I had a bowl of Golden Nuggets before doing some hoovering around my flat. I was listening to Get Sexy by the Sugababes. That is such a wonderful tune. Afterwards I went to good ol' Aquacise with my extra tight Speedos, and everyone was looking at me because of them (blatantly because I looked so astounding and handsome), and I spent a good hour there. Then I went shopping for some new leather trousers to go with my sparkly top. They got a new pole for me, it's shiny. I can't wait to try it out =D
will update later!

Neil x